No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
