Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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