RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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