guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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