The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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