1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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