he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
