Ambien. No doubt about it.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
