But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I faked an abortion last night.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
