Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
