Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
