It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
