I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
