guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
