sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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