I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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