Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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