Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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