why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have fence marks all over my body
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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