They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
sarcasm needs its own font
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
