We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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