I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
