Don't you send me to vm
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
