I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
