I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
