a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
