I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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