So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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