I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
