My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
