I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
