woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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