Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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