Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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