I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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