No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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