i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
