I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
