I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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