she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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