Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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