Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
