You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
