i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
