she told me i tasted like america
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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