My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
40s are totally the cure
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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