I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
