i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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