Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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