I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You made out with two different species that night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
