can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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