At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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