How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
