just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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