I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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