ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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